Saturday, February 25, 2012

He is gone...

Jud died last night at 6:00 p.m. We were all circled around his bed singing "Amazing Grace" as he passed away. He suffered so much the last three weeks that I am relived that that part is over, though I am so sad he was gone. I know he is in a beautiful place free from pain.

It has been an exhausting few weeks. I slept very soundly with my two dogs who are very confused. One is now under my covers and the other is sleeping on Jud's side.

I know I have such hard times ahead but I am still feeling the peace of "singing him home." He was so brave in his struggle, taking care of each of us and the close friends who visited us in the midst of his dying.

I thank you all so much for your support of me during this fourteen months. You are remarkable friends and you mean the world to me. Please know how much you matter, You were there in the frightening nights when no one else was around. You have been there for me so consistently, so solidly.

I love you and thank you.

Monday, February 20, 2012

In-Patient Hospice...

(Jud is now in one of four rooms in this great big hospital. Jud worked here once a week and was welcomed by friends)

Excuse me for just copying the Caring Bridge journal I wrote for Jud but I did write it myself!! I am at home. The fuzzy butts are sleeping where Jud's pillow was. It is so precious! They are so confused but happy I am at home. So here are my words...

Dear Friends,
I read Jud's Caring Bridge entries every day. They have sustained me and held me up so I have the strength to proceed through the year with Jud. Thank you so very much for such a huge gift.

After several agonizing nights, we made the decision, with the help of our wonderful hospice nurse, Kari, to put Jud into Inpatient Hospice at Methodist Hospital. It was the right decision. He has been in agony and they have helped him find some comfort. We could do much at home but we just weren't set up for an IV pump. I came home to get some rest and Kat volunteered to stay with Jud. After three weeks of constant nausea and discomfort, he seems to be resting comfortably. What a huge relief. 

He will be there for several days and then we will decide what to do next. It is a great relief to know that we have such good help in making these decisions.

Thank you, each of you, for all you have done for Jud this year and for all you have done for me and Kat. We have floated on your words of hope and caring. I noticed that you can get published copies of a member's Caring Bridge. I plan on doing just that. It has been a remarkable year. We have so many highs and lows but we have been blessed by the beautiful words and caring of a loving circle of friends stretched all around the world.

For this, I will always be grateful.


Sunday, February 19, 2012

Hard Times...

Jud is having a very rough time of it, and, consequently, so am I. Hospice will be out again tomorrow (and we talked to them on the phone) but they have not been able to get his symptoms under control.

You have all been such a comfort to me over this year. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we go through this difficult part of the journey.

With love,

Sunday, February 12, 2012

We're home...

We had such a comforting time in Mesa. There is nothing like being surrounded by loving family. Jud had a chance to have some good hugs with both of his sisters, Jan and Joan...

...and his parents, Kay and Du.

He and Dad even enjoyed a little cribbage...

Mom did her wonderful home cooking...

...and entertained our dear friends, the Hallbergs.

We enjoyed the sunsets, this one had a heart ("X")....

...that shone on our niece, Dani, and her partner, Pat. 

These were the wonderful moments. There were some hard ones, too. Much of the time, Jud was very sick. At one point in time, we considered going home early. He was not able to eat and was only tolerating clear liquids. He had a lot of pain and nausea. With the advice of hospice back in Minnesota, we got him home at the end of the week. We are glad we went...and we are glad we are home. We have had a very good meeting with hospice and have two scheduled for this week. Our team is kind and they are direct. We feel very blessed. This is just another part of our journey. It is a hard and sad one but also one of deep meaning and a feeling of tremendous Love. 

For now, we are glad to be home in our own beds...

...and the fuzzybutts could not be more happy, too.