A time for healing...

 Photo by Jud Reaney

There are moments when wellness escapes us,

moments when pain and suffering

are not dim possibilities

but all too agonizing realities.

At such moments we must open ourselves to healing.

Much we can do for ourselves;

and what we can do

we must do ~

healing,

no less than illness,

is participatory.

But even when we do all we can do

there is,

often,

still much left to be done.

And so we turn as well to our healers

seeking their skill to aid in our struggle for wellness.

But even when they do all they can do

there is,

often,

still much left to be done.

And so we turn to Life,

to the vast Power of Being that animates the universe

as the ocean animates the wave,

seeking to let go of that which blocks our healing.

May those

whose lives are gripped in the palm of suffering

open

even now

to the Wonder of Life.

May they let go of the hurt

and Meet the True Self beyond pain,

the Uncarved Block

that is our joyous Unity with Holiness.

May they discover through pain and torment

the strength to live with grace and humor.

May they discover through doubt and anguish

the strength to live with dignity and holiness.

May they discover through suffering and fear

the strength to move toward healing.

  ~ Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro (from Prayers for Healing, 365 Blessings, Poems, and Meditations from Around the World; entry for March 5^th)

I am in pain. I came with a scooter from a dear friend and it worked wonderfully. It is heavy, though, and did not fit in our friend's smaller car. I did a stupid thing. Barry (our friend) took me to the hospital when Jud had his endoscopy and offered to park the car and push me in a wheelchair. I said, "Absolutely not. I am doing fine. It's just a short walk." The short walk was almost a mile both ways. I woke up the next day with severe pain in my right knee (the one approaching surgery for osteoarthritis) and severe pain in my left leg (the one with neuropathy and RSD). I am still in a lot of pain, five days later. I am kicking myself for insisting on walking. I hate having assistance, but what a ridiculous price to pay.

I will need to see an orthopedist and get another shot in my knee, though we don't have time until we get to Mesa. I can have three before a knee replacement. My fear is that I will not be able to take care of Jud if he has surgery or becomes more ill. When I woke up this morning, Jud told me that he wakened in the night and worried that I might be recovering from knee surgery while he is recovering from a Whipple procedure. He was having the same worries.

May we both find a way to move beyond suffering and fear and find the "strength to move toward healing."